After two years of Obama - Here's your change!

 

	January 2009	TODAY	% chg	Source
Avg.. Retail price/gallon gas in U.S.	$1.83	$3.44	84%	1
Crude oil, European Brent (barrel)	$43..48	$99..02	127.7%	2
Crude oil, West TX Inter. (barrel)	$38..74	$91..38	135.9%	2
Gold: London (per troy oz.)	$853.25	$1,369.50	60.5%	2
Corn, No.2 yellow, Central IL	$3.56	$6.33	78.1%	2
Soybeans, No. 1 yellow, IL	$9.66	$13..75	42.3%	2
Sugar, cane, raw, world, lb. Fob	$13..37	$35..39	164.7%	2
Unemployment rate, non-farm, overall	7.6%	9.4%	23.7%	3
Unemployment rate, blacks	12.6%	15.8%	25.4%	3
Number of unemployed	11,616,000	14,485,000	24.7%	3
Number of fed. Employees	2,779,000	2,840,000	2.2%	3
Real median household income	$50,112	$49,777	-0.7%	4
Number of food stamp recipients	31,983,716	43,200,878	35.1%	5
Number of unemployment benefit recipients	7,526,598	9,193,838	22.2%	6
Number of long-term unemployed	2,600,000	6,400,000	146.2%	3
Poverty rate, individuals	13.2%	14.3%	8.3%	4
People in poverty in U.S.	39,800,000	43,600,000	9.5%	4
U.S.. Rank in Economic Freedom World Rankings	5	9	n/a	10
Present Situation Index	29.9	23.5	-21.4%	11
Failed banks	140	164	17.1%	12
U.S.. Dollar versus Japanese yen exchange rate	89.76	82.03	-8.6%	2
U.S.. Money supply, M1, in billions	1,575.1	1,865.7	18.4%	13
U.S.. Money supply, M2, in billions	8,310.9	8,852.3	6.5%	13
National debt, in trillions	$10..627	$14..052	32.2%	14

AIRPORT GREETERS - The lady who took these pictures said everyone was surprised to see George and Laura Bush recently just standing quietly in the waiting area with others who come to meet the troop planes.

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

June Weddings

June Weddings

 

Most people in the 1500s got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Where did "Piss Poor" come from?

Where did "Piss Poor" come from?

 

Interesting History. They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot and then once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor".

 

But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot. They "didn't have a pot to piss in" and were the lowest of the low.

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Down in the West Texas town of El Paso

Down in the West Texas town of El Paso

 

Three armed felons crossed the U. S . Border and attempted to rob an off duty El Paso police officer dressed in civilian clothes while he stood in front of a bank.

 

The plan was for two of them to grab his backpack and toss it to an accomplice on a stolen motorcycle.

 

However, the well prepared police officer shot all of them, killing two immediately. The third was shot in both arms and bled to death before the ambulance arrived.

 

This is how much the US Taxpayer would have had to pay to prosecute these thugs:

 

Arrest and detention for 1 night = -$6,000

Transportation for deportation back to Mexico the next day = -$1000

Air time for Obama to apologize in 30 min speech $25,007,000

 

What it actually cost:

Four .40 rounds = $1.00

Taxpayer savings = $25,006,999.00

 

They Picked the Wrong Man to rob - Only in TEXAS!

 

THE AVERAGE RESPONSE TIME FOR A 911 CALL IS 4 MINUTES THE AVERAGE RESPONSE TIME FOR A .40 S&W ROUND IS ABOUT 1225 FEET PER SECOND.

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

DIVORCE VS. MURDER

DIVORCE VS. MURDER

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide.

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law. I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide! You should get a Divorce."

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

 

http://dorunda.com/comedy2011.htm

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Poo At The Zoo

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Honkies for Herman!

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

CD Collection? (WARNING: Not Safe for Eyes.)

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

DO NOT STOP

DO NOT STOP

 

A MESSAGE FROM THE OFFICE OF ATTORNEY GENERAL STATE OF   MISSISSIPPI , JACKSON , MS 

 

SITUATION...

While driving on a rural end of the roadway on Thursday morning, I saw an infant car seat on  the side of the road with a blanket draped over  it. For whatever reason, I did not stop, even though I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head. But when I got to my destination, I called the Canton PD and they were going to check it out. But, this is what the Police advised even before they went out there to check.

 

"There are several things to be aware of ... gangs and thieves are now plotting different ways to get a person  (mostly women) to stop their vehicle and get  out of the car.

 

"There is a gang initiation reported by the local Police Department where gangs are placing a car seat by the road...with a fake baby in it...waiting for a woman, of course, to stop and check on the  abandoned baby.

 

"Note that the location of this car seat is usually beside a wooded or grassy (field) area and the person -- woman -- will be dragged into the woods, beaten and raped, and usually left for dead. If it's a man, they're usually beaten and robbed and maybe left for dead, too.

 

DO NOT STOP FOR ANY REASON!!! DIAL 9-1-1 AND REPORT WHAT YOU SAW, BUT DON 'T EVEN SLOW DOWN.

 

"IF YOU ARE DRIVING AT NIGHT AND EGGS ARE THROWN AT YOUR  WINDSHIELD, DO NOT STOP TO CHECK THE CAR, DO NOT OPERATE THE WIPER AND DO NOT SPRAY  ANY WATER BECAUSE EGGS MIXED WITH WATER  BECOME MILKY AND BLOCK YOUR VISION UP TO 92.5%,  AND YOU ARE THEN FORCED TO STOP BESIDE THE ROAD  AND BECOME A VICTIM OF THESE  CRIMINALS.

 

THIS IS A NEW TECHNIQUE USED BY GANGS, SO PLEASE INFORM YOUR FRIENDS AND  RELATIVES.

 

THESE ARE DESPERATE TIMES AND THESE ARE UNSAVORY INDIVIDUALS WHO WILL TAKE DESPERATE MEASURES TO GET WHAT THEY WANT."

 

Please be  safe.

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Pork Parfait? Are you kidding me?

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Michigan Yoopers Declare War on Obama

Michigan Yoopers Declare War on Obama

Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hello, President Obama?" a heavily accented Yooper voice said. "This is Sven, up here at Olies Bar and Steak House in Bruce Crossing, Michigan. I am callin' to tell ya'll that we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Sven," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Sven, after a moment's calculation "there is myself, my cousin Olie, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Pine's Bar. That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you Sven that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Sven. "I'll have to call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Sven called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Sven?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two 4-wheelers, a snowmobile, and Harry's trail grooming machine."

President Obama sighed. "I have tell you Sven, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke"

"Lord above", said Sven, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Sven rang again the next day, "President Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Olies ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the coffee shop have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Sven that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Oh Lord," said Sven, "l'll have to call you back."

Sure enough, Sven called again the next day. ""President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Sven, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners."

 

http://dorunda.com/comedy2011.htm

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

5 Year Old's First Job

5 Year Old's First Job

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a Construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the damn sheet rock."

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Meet the Millers enjoy these cars

Meet the Millers AK Miller's Front Yard Consider the strange story of Alex and Imogene Miller of East Orange, VT.  They eked out an existence on a small farm.  Alex would scrounge rusty nails from burnt buildings to repair his roof.  He drove a ratty VW Beetle, and when it died, he found another even more ratty, and another...the rusting carcasses littered his yard.  Alex died in 1993, and Imogene died in 1996.  The local church took up a collection so they could be buried in the churchyard, and the state began the process of taking the farm for taxes.  That would have been the end of a sad story, except.............. Forget the VW: a '28 Franklin ($4500US) and a '23 HCS($14,500 US) lurk inside.  While preparing the estate for auction, the sheriff discovered a cache of bearer bonds taped to the back of a mirror.  That triggered a comprehensive search of the house and outbuildings.  The estate auction would eventually be handled by Christies, and it would bring out collectors from all over the world.. 1913 Stutz Bearcat went for just $105,000US.  Must have been the bad tire.  It seems that Alex Miller was a Rutgers grad, son of a wealthy financier.  He lived in Montclair, NJ, where he founded Miller's Flying Service in 1930.  He operated a gyrocopter (look it up, it's too much of a digression) for mail and delivery service through the 30's.  But the Millers had a secret, and they moved from Montclair when they needed room for it. Step behind the wheel of a 1916 Stutz Bearcat ($155,000 US).  Choosing to live low profile, and paranoid about tax collectors, Miller moved to the farm in VT, and took his collections with him.  Most of his cash had been exchanged for gold and silver bars and coins, which he buried in various locations around the farm.  He carefully disassembled his gyrocopter, and stored it in an old one-room schoolhouse on his property.  He then built a couple of dozen sheds and barns out of scrap lumber and recycled nails.  In the sheds he put his collection. Have to remember to clean that '20 Bearcat out of the shed ($50,000 US).  Alex Miller had an obsession with cars.  Not just any cars, but Stutz cars.  Blackhawks, Bearcats, Super bearcats, DV16's and 32's.  He had been buying them since the 1920's.  When Stutz went out of business, he bought a huge pile of spare parts, which was also carefully stored away in his sheds. A Springfield Rolls Picadilly Roadster ($115,000 US), made inIllinois.  Sometimes, he would stray, and buy other "special cars", including Locomobiles, a Stanley, and a Springfield Rolls Royce.  He never drove them.  He'd simply move them into his storage sheds in the middle of the night, each car wrapped in burlap to protect it from any prying eyes.  Over the years, the farm appeared to grow more and more forlorn, even as the collection was growing. A snappy car: 1921 Stutz Bearcat ($58,000 US).  Occasionally he would sell some parts to raise cash. Rather than dipping into his cache, he would labor for hours making copies of the original parts by hand. Stutz factory spares. Cylinders and pistons from a brass era Stutz in foreground. Collectors knew him as a sharp trader, who had good merchandise but was prone to cheating.  His neighbors had no clue at all, they thought Alex and Imogene were paupers, and often helped out with charity. Wheelbarrow blocks a '28 Stutz Blackhawk Boattail Speedster ($78,000 US). The auction was a three day circus, billed as the "Opening of King Stutz Tomb".  It attracted celebrity collectors, as well as thousands of curiosity seekers.  The proceeds were in the millions, some items went for far more than their value in the frenzy.  In the end, the IRS took a hefty chunk of the cash for back taxes, which proves the old adage about the only two sure things in life... A vanilla '31 SV16 Stutz Sedan ($10,000) Bargain of the show: a '29  Stutz Blackhawk sedan for $7000 US A beautiful Stutz DV32 Sedan ($27,500) Anyone need a new Stutz engine? Still factory fresh. A'23 HCS ($12,000 US) lurks in the darkness of the barn A Lebaron dual-cowl Stutz from 1929 ($68,000US) A '27 Stutz AA Sedan for $6500US 1925 Stutz Speedway Six ($9000 US) T-Head engine in a 21 Bearcat Build a '22 Stutz touring car from this pile of parts for just $10,000 US   Final talley: $2.18 million at auction $1 million in gold $75,000 in silver $400,000 in stock                     God Bless the Crazies.

 

Gas Coupon

I didn't realize it, but these coupons are good for one gallon of gas at most retailers.  I have seen them around, but until recently never took advantage of them, I never realized their actual worth.

You probably have one or two just lying around somewhere, now is the time to use them before they lose their value, and it's too late!!

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Barack's BS Bingo

Try it the next time you hear the President speak. It will keep you awake while he’s reading his prompter!

 

Please follow the rules before watching. I used to avoid listening to his speeches. Now, I look forward to the next one. Here is something to help make Obama's speeches almost tolerable. Just print out this page, distribute it to friends, and listen.

 

Rules for Bullshit Bingo:

1. Before Barrack Obama's next televised speech, print your "Bullshit Bingo"

2. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those Words/phrases.

3. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or Diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM