Monday, April 25, 2011

Just Fred

Just Fred

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades.

When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.

Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears laughing.

 

http://dorunda.com/comedy2011.htm

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Love Really IS Blind

Love Really IS Blind

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.

So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf; I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

"Oh wow! I see," Ed replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment. Deep in serious thought then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.

 

http://dorunda.com/comedy2011.htm

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Robot Bartender

The Robot Bartender

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says," 168."

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious...So he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "100."

The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time..

He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.

The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?

 

http://dorunda.com/comedy2011.htm

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Want to know why gas is $4 a gallon?

Want to know why gas is $4 a gallon?

 

Look no further than your friendly environmentalist who won't allow more refineries to be built, requires oil companies to produce 55 different gasoline blends in the summer and won't allow oil exploration in the United States, which would reduce our dependence on foreign oil. Happy Earth Day!

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Earth Day Predictions, 1970 Hysteria

Earth Day Predictions, 1970 Hysteria

 

"We have about five more years at the outside to do something." - Kenneth Watt, ecologist

 

"Civilization will end within 15 or 30 years unless immediate action is taken against problems facing mankind." - George Wald, Harvard Biologist

 

"We are in an environmental crisis which threatens the survival of this nation, and of the world as a suitable place of human habitation." - Barry Commoner, Washington University biologist

 

"Man must stop pollution and conserve his resources, not merely to enhance existence but to save the race from intolerable deterioration and possible extinction." - New York Times editorial, the day after the first Earth Day

 

"Population will inevitably and completely outstrip whatever small increases in food supplies we make. The death rate will increase until at least 100-200 million people per year will be starving to death during the next ten years." - Paul Ehrlich, Stanford University biologist

 

"By...[1975] some experts feel that food shortages will have escalated the present level of world hunger and starvation into famines of unbelievable proportions. Other experts, more optimistic, think the ultimate food-population collision will not occur until the decade of the 1980s." - Paul Ehrlich, Stanford University biologist

 

"It is already too late to avoid mass starvation." - Denis Hayes, chief organizer for Earth Day

 

"Demographers agree almost unanimously on the following grim timetable: by 1975 widespread famines will begin in India; these will spread by 1990 to include all of India, Pakistan, China and the Near East, Africa. By the year 2000, or conceivably sooner, South and Central America will exist under famine conditions....By the year 2000, thirty years from now, the entire world, with the exception of Western Europe, North America, and Australia, will be in famine." - Peter Gunter, professor, North Texas State University

 

"Scientists have solid experimental and theoretical evidence to support...the following predictions: In a decade, urban dwellers will have to wear gas masks to survive air pollution...by 1985 air pollution will have reduced the amount of sunlight reaching earth by one half...." - Life Magazine, January 1970

 

"At the present rate of nitrogen buildup, it's only a matter of time before light will be filtered out of the atmosphere and none of our land will be usable." - Kenneth Watt, Ecologist

 

"Air pollution...is certainly going to take hundreds of thousands of lives in the next few years alone." - Paul Ehrlich, Stanford University biologist

 

"We are prospecting for the very last of our resources and using up the nonrenewable things many times faster than we are finding new ones." - Martin Litton, Sierra Club director

 

"By the year 2000, if present trends continue, we will be using up crude oil at such a rate...that there won't be any more crude oil. You'll drive up to the pump and say, `Fill 'er up, buddy,' and he'll say, `I am very sorry, there isn't any.'" - Kenneth Watt, Ecologist

 

"Dr. S. Dillon Ripley, secretary of the Smithsonian Institute, believes that in 25 years, somewhere between 75 and 80 percent of all the species of living animals will be extinct." - Sen. Gaylord Nelson

 

"The world has been chilling sharply for about twenty years. If present trends continue, the world will be about four degrees colder for the global mean temperature in 1990, but eleven degrees colder in the year 2000. This is about twice what it would take to put us into an ice age." - Kenneth Watt, Ecologist

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Obama 2012: Michele still has more places she wants to visit

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Important Email

As a rule, I don't pass along these "add your name" lists that appear in e-mails, BUT this one is important. It has been circulating for months and has been sent to over 25 million people. We don't want to lose any names on the list so just hit forward and send it on. Please keep it going!

 

To show your support for President Obama and the job he is doing please go to the

end of the list and add your name ..

 

1. Michelle Obama.

2.

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

An even better Obama bumper sticker.

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

How do you like the new flip flops for this summer?

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

New Album Release Columns by Oversaken Now Available

For Immediate Release

 

New Album Release Columns by Oversaken Now Available

 

April 5, 2011

 

Oversaken is pleased to announce the release of their much anticipated album entitled “COLUMNS” (Oversaken 2011).

 

COLUMNS consists of fifteen new and original songs, written by Oversaken and produced by George Dorunda. Singer Brian Philbeck continues the task of writing most of the lyrics, working with the rest of the band to compose all their music. COLUMNS was recorded, mixed and mastered by George Dorunda working with Oversaken’s Justin Rollins to achieve the passionately aggressive excitement of the patented soft-hard sound that is Oversaken.

 

A few surprises ensue, Anthony (bass) debuts his writing talents on songs including “Cleanse”, “Forever Ending Story” and “Reminders”, while the lyrics for “Forever Ending Story” were co-written by Laura Rollins (Justin’s wife). Jason (guitar) rounded out the sound by developing the dynamic riffs and solos that are the foundation of Oversaken.

 

Oversaken current band member line up consists of:

Justin Rollins - Drums

Brian Philbeck - Vocals

Jason Rollins - Guitar

Anthony Elder - Bass, Acoustic Guitar

 

With the completion of this epic album, the past several months have proven to be quite productive for Oversaken. Already 2011 is off to a great start for the band. Oversaken is formulating its schedule and looking forward to getting on the road in support of their latest album.

 

COLUMNS will be available on-line on: iTunes, Amazon.com, CD Baby (www.cdbaby.com/cd/oversaken3) and the official Oversaken website (www.oversaken.com). The CD will also be available at their live shows.

 

To schedule interviews, for store distribution or to request a copy of the new album for radio play, please contact: George Dorunda Phone: 864-488-0140 Email: MegaStar@Dorunda.com

 

Official Oversaken Website: http://www.oversaken.com/

 

Official Oversaken Promo Shot: http://www.oversaken.com/OversakenHeadshot.jpg

 

Oversaken - Hits Promotional Music Bed:

http://www.oversaken.com/OversakenHitSamplerMusicBed10.mp3

 

-30-

 

Contacts:

 

George Dorunda

Bookings & Personal Appearances - Media - Technical - Logistics - Legal - Licensing

Phone: 864-488-0140

Email: MegaStar@Dorunda.com

 

Justin Rollins

Phone: 864-812-1012

Email: Justin@Oversaken.com

 

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

 

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Alabama's flag looks like it signifies that state got a wrong answer on Family Feud. http://dorunda.com/

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

NO ARK in 2011

NO ARK in 2011

"In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah and said: Once again the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every animal and seven of every clean animal along with a few good humans. He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights. Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?

Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard, and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then, the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I TOLD THEM THAT THE SEA WOULD BE COMING TO US, BUT THEY WOULD HEAR NOTHING OF IT. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued that accommodations were too restrictive, and that it is cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration is checking the status of most of the people who want to work. The Trades Unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, they seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a double rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

"No," said the Lord, "The government beat me to it."

 

http://dorunda.com/comedy2011.htm

 

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM