Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Palin: McCain's 'gonna win'
Should he even be running again? Is Palin's jacket telling us you've been a bad and need to be punished?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Vatican Perversion
It appears that perversion has been a long standing event at the Vatican.
Apparently they didn't consider the sun when designing this wall at SAINT PETER'S BASILICA.
The Politicians Must GOOOH!
Too many politiicians are corrupt. They are destroying our nation. It is time to tell them to Get Out Of Our House! It is time to send true citizen representatives to OUR House of Representatives. It is time for the politicians to GOOOH!
http://goooh.com/
Monday, March 29, 2010
Man Goes on 'Meat Attack' at Supermarket
His grandmother says it's because she wanted to make pot roast for dinner.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Take Down the Bird Feeder
Take Down the Bird Feeder
I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it was! Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.
But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.
Then came the poop. It was Everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table .... Everywhere!
Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.
And other birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.
After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.
Soon, the back yard was like it used to be.... Quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.
Now let's see. Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.
Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.
Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to "press one" to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than "Old Glory" were squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.
Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.
George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM
Want to be Healthy?
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
How to get to Heaven from Ireland
How to get to Heaven from Ireland
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'
'NO!' the children answered.
'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'
Again, the answer was 'No!' By now I was starting to smile.
'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?'
Again, they all answered 'No!'. I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, 'Then how can I get into heaven?'
A six year-old boy shouted out? 'YUV GOTTA BE FREAKIN DEAD.'
http://www.dorunda.com/comedy2010.htm
George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM
Want to be Healthy?
HEAVIEST ELEMENT DISCOVERED BY CALIFORNIA SCIENTISTS
HEAVIEST ELEMENT DISCOVERED BY CALIFORNIA SCIENTISTS
Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California has now identified with certainty the heaviest element known to science. The new element, Pelosium (PL), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Pelosium is inert, and has no charge and no magnetism. Nevertheless, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Pelosium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Pelosium has a normal half-life of 2 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a biennial reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
Pelosium mass will increase over time, since each reorganization will promote many morons to become isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Pelosium becomes Senatorium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Pelosium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
http://www.dorunda.com/comedy2010.htm
George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM
Want to be Healthy?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Supersex
Supersex
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'
http://www.dorunda.com/comedy2010.htm
George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM
Want to be Healthy?
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
What did you think I said? - Twenty Years
What did you think I said?
Abu al-Zarqawi died and George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!"
James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense"
Thomas Jefferson was next, beat al-Zarqawi with a long cane and snarled "It was Evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence ."
The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist Leader.
As al-Zarqawi lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Al- Zarqawi wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."
The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"
Twenty Years
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed......
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God agreed.......
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again......
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
http://www.dorunda.com/comedy2010.htm
George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM
Want to be Healthy?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Nancy Pelosi: We have to Pass Health Care Bill so that you can find out what is in it!
"But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy." – Nancy Pelosi
Americans won't be able to truly understand ObamaCare until ObamaCare becomes law! Does it matter that there are a few of us who would like to know what is in this bill BEFORE you pass it. This is why the Democrats want to pass healthcare and they want to pass it yesterday. They don't want you to find out what is really in the bill until after it is signed into law. Then, they believe, it will be too late for We The People to do anything about it.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Hospital Regulations
Hospital Regulations
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
http://www.dorunda.com/comedy2010.htm
George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM
Want to be Healthy?
Thursday, March 4, 2010
The Restaurant
The Restaurant
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
http://www.dorunda.com/comedy2010.htm
George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM
Want to be Healthy?
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