Mega-Star Info-Tainment

Important Simplified Financial Lessons

2012-01-12T16:05:00.002-05:00

Important Simplified Financial Lessons

Lesson # 1:

Why the U.S. was downgraded:

• U.S. Tax revenue:	$2,170,000,000,000
• Fed budget:	$3,820,000,000,000
• New debt:	$ 1,650,000,000,000
• National debt:	$14,271,000,000,000
• Recent budget cuts	: $ 38,500,000,000

Let's now remove 8 zeros and pretend it's a household budget:

• Annual family income	$21,700
• Money the family spent	$38,200
• New debt on the credit card	$16,500
• Outstanding balance on the credit card	$142,710
• Total budget cuts:	$385

Got it?

We have choices coming November 2012 for ALL politicians!

Donald Trump tells Chuck Todd to "Tell The Truth!"

2011-12-06T05:21:00.000-05:00

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Obama Firsts

2011-10-27T08:31:00.001-05:00

Obama Firsts

First President to refuse to show a valid Birth Certificate.
First President to apply for college aid as a foreign student, then deny he was a foreigner
First President to have a social security number from a state he's never lived in
First President to Preside over a Cut to the Credit Rating of the United States Government
First President to Violate the War Powers Act
First President to Orchestrate the Sale of Murder Weapons to Mexican Drug Cartels
First President to be Held in Contempt of Court for Illegally Obstructing Oil Drilling in the Gulf of Mexico
First President to Defy a Federal Judge's Court Order to Cease Implementing the 'Health Care Reform' Law
First President to Require All Americans to Purchase a Product From a Third Party
First President to Spend a Trillion Dollars on 'Shovel-Ready' Jobs-- and Later Admit There Was No Such Thing as Shovel-Ready Jobs
First President to Abrogate Bankruptcy Law to Turn Over Control of Companies to His Union Supporters
First President to Bypass Congress and Implement the DREAM Act Through Executive Fiat
First President to "Order a Secret Amnesty Program that Stopped the Deportations of Illegal Immigrants Across the US , Including Those With Criminal Convictions"
First President to Demand a Company Hand Over $20 Billion to One of His Political Appointees
First President to Terminate America's Ability to Put a Man into Space
First President to Encourage Racial Discrimination and Intimidation at Polling Places
First President to Have a Law Signed By an 'Auto-pen' Without Being "Present"
First President to Arbitrarily Declare an Existing Law Unconstitutional and Refuse to Enforce It
First President to Threaten Insurance Companies if they Publicly Speak out on the Reasons for their Rate Increases
First President to Tell a Major Manufacturing Company In Which State They Are Allowed to Locate a Factory
First President to File Lawsuits Against the States He Swore an Oath to Protect (AZ, WI, OH, IN, etc)
First President to Withdraw an Existing Coal Permit That Had Been Properly Issued Years Ago
First President to Fire an Inspector General of Ameri-corps for Catching One of His Friends in a Corruption Case
First President to Propose an Executive Order Demanding Companies Disclose Their Political Contributions to bid on Government Contracts
First President to appoint 45 'czars' to replace elected officials in his office.
First President to Golf 73 separate Times in His First Two-and-a-Half Years in Office
First President to hide his medical, educational, and travel records
First President to win a Nobel Peace Prize for doing NOTHING to earn it
First President to coddle America's enemies while alienating America's allies
First President to publicly bow to America's enemies while refusing to salute the US flag
First President to go on multiple Global apology tours.
First President to go on 17 'vacations', including 'date nights' paid for by the taxpayer.

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

2011-10-24T07:40:00.001-05:00

Herman Cain on Occupy Wall Street

2011-10-21T07:09:00.000-05:00

"Don’t blame Wall Street, don’t blame the big banks, if you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself. …It is not a person's fault if they succeeded, it is a person's fault if they failed.” - Herman Cain

Computer beginnings!

2011-10-19T19:51:00.001-05:00

Computer beginnings!

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her - as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load - but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures: Hebrew To The People (HTTP). But this success did arouse envy.

A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham's business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted for insider trading.

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.

Lo, Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others!"

And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known, he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE)

And that is how it all began.

http://dorunda.com/comedy2011.htm

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Did you know this about Herman Cain?

2011-10-19T06:00:00.001-05:00

Did you know this about Herman Cain?

Herman Cain is running for president. He’s not a career

politician (in fact he has never held political office).

He’s known as a pizza guy, but there’s a lot more to him.

He’s also a computer guy, a banker guy, and a rocket

scientist guy.

Here’s his bio:

• Bachelor’s

degree in Mathematics.

• Master’s

degree in Computer Science.

• Mathematician

for the Navy, where he worked on missile ballistics

(making him a rocket scientist).

• Computer

systems analyst for Coca-Cola.

• VP of

Corporate Data Systems and Services for Pillsbury (this

is the top of the ladder in the computer world, being in

charge of information systems for a major

corporation).

All achieved

before reaching the age of 35. Since he reached the top of

the information systems world, he changed careers!

• Business

Manager. Took charge of Pillsbury’s 400 Burger King

restaurants in the Philadelphia area, which were the

company’s poorest performers in the country. Spent the

first nine months learning the business from the ground

up, cooking hamburger and yes, cleaning toilets. After

three years he had turned them into the company’s best

performers.

• Godfather’s

Pizza CEO. Was asked by Pillsbury to take charge of

their Godfather’s Pizza chain (which was on the verge of

bankruptcy). He made it profitable in 14 months.

• In 1988 he

led a buyout of the Godfather’s Pizza chain from

Pillsbury. He was now the owner of a restaurant chain.

Again he reached the top of the ladder of another

industry.

• He was also

chairman of the National Restaurant Association during

this time. This is a group that interacts with

government on behalf of the restaurant industry, and it

gave him political experience from the non-politician

side.

Having reached

the top of a second industry, he changed careers again!

• Adviser to

the Federal Reserve System. Herman Cain went to work for

the Federal Reserve Banking System advising them on how

monetary policy changes would affect American

businesses.

• Chairman of

the Kansas City Federal Reserve Bank. He worked his way

up to the chairmanship of a regional Federal Reserve

bank. This is only one step below the chairmanship of

the entire Federal Reserve System (the top banking

position in the country). This position allowed him to

see how monetary policy is made from the inside, and

understand the political forces that impact the monetary

system.

After reaching

the top of the banking industry, he changed careers for a

fourth time!

• Writer and

public speaker. He then started to write and speak on

leadership. His books include Speak as a Leader,

CEO of

Self, Leadership is Common

Sense, and They Think You’re

Stupid.

• Radio Host.

Around 2007—after a remarkable 40 year career—he started

hosting a radio show on WSB in Atlanta (the largest talk

radio station in the country).

He did all this

starting from rock bottom (his father was a chauffeur and

his mother was a maid). When you add up his

accomplishments in his life—including reaching the top of

three unrelated industries: information systems, business

management, and banking—Herman Cain may have the most

impressive resume of anyone that has run for the

presidency in the last half

century.

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Rules is Rules!

2011-10-13T19:45:00.001-05:00

Rules is Rules!

The Good news:
It was a normal day in Sharon Springs, Kansas , when a Union Pacific crew boarded a loaded coal train for the long trek to Salina .

The Bad news:
Just a few miles into the trip a wheel bearing became overheated and melted, letting a metal support drop down and grind on the rail, creating white hot molten metal droppings spewing down to the rail.

The Good news:
A very alert crew noticed smoke about halfway back in the train and immediately stopped the train in compliance with the rules.

The Bad news:
The train stopped with the hot wheel over a wooden bridge with creosote ties and trusses.

The crew tried to explain this to Union Pacific higher-ups but were instructed not to move the train!

They were informed that Rules prohibited moving the train when a part was found to be defective!

REMEMBER, RULES IS RULES! (Don't ever let common sense get in the way of a good disaster ! )

American $20 Bill Very Interesting!!

2011-10-01T16:01:00.000-05:00

American $20 Bill Very Interesting!!

History Mystery

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

A braham   Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named     Lincoln .

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.   Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theatre named 'Ford'.
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford'.

Lincoln was shot in a theatre and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theatre.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.


WHO FIGURED THIS OUT?

INCREDIBLE
1) Fold a NEW $20 bill in half...

2) Fold again, taking care to fold it exactly as below

3) Fold the other end, exactly as before

4) Now, simply turn it over...

What a coincidence! A simple geometric fold creates a catastrophic premonition printed on all $20 bills!!!

COINCIDENCE?

YOU DECIDE

As if that wasn't enough...
Here is what you've seen...

Firstly The Pentagon on fire...

Then The Twin Towers.

... And now . look at this!

TRIPLE COINCIDENCE ON A SIMPLE $20 BILL
Disaster (Pentagon)
Disaster ( Twin Towers )
Disaster (Osama)???

It gets even better 9 + 11 = $20!

Creepy huh? Send this to as many people as you can, cause:
Hey, this is one history lesson most people probably will not mind reading!

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Pants On the Ground

2011-09-27T22:06:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

General Eisenhower Warned Us.

2011-09-27T07:13:00.001-05:00

General Eisenhower Warned Us.

It is a matter of history that when the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces, General Dwight Eisenhower, found the victims of the death camps he ordered all possible photographs to be taken, and for the German people from surrounding villages to be ushered through the camps and even made to bury the dead.

He did this because he said in words to this effect:

'Get it all on record now - get the films - get the witnesses - because somewhere down the road of history some bastard will get up and say that this never happened.'

This week, the UK debated whether to remove The Holocaust from its school curriculum because it 'offends' the Muslim population which claims it never occurred. It is not removed as yet. However, this is a frightening portent of the fear that is gripping the world and how easily each country is giving into it.

It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended.

This is a memorial, in memory of the, six million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians, and 1,900 Catholic priests Who were murdered, raped, burned, starved, beaten, experimented on and humiliated' while many in the world looked the other way!

Now, more than ever, with Iran, among others, claiming the Holocaust to be 'a myth,' it is imperative to make sure the world never forgets. How many years will it be before the attack on the World Trade Center ‘NEVER HAPPENED', because it offends some Muslim???

FREEDOM ISN'T FREE...SOMEONE HAD TO PAY FOR IT!

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

New Michelin Tires [made in South Carolina]

2011-09-26T17:39:00.000-05:00

New Michelin Tires

Michelin Tires... Absolutely SCARY looking... Look for 'em in August.
These tires are made in South Carolina , USA .

SEE THROUGH TIRES
Radical new tire design by Michelin.
The next generation of tires.
They had a pair at the Philadelphia car show.

Yes, those are 'spoke' like connections to the inner part of the tire from the outside tread 'wrap!' The next picture shows how odd it looks in motion...

Makes you wonder how the ride feels doesn't it?

These tires are airless and are scheduled to be out on the market very soon.
The bad news for law enforcement is that spike strips will not work on these.
Just think of the impact on existing technology:
A. No more air valves...
B. No more air compressors at gas stations...
C. No more repair kits...
D. No more flats...
These are actual pictures taken at the South Carolina plant of Michelin.

FOR SALE: Classic 1975 Chevy 2 Door Hardtop - 50K Miles - Small V8 - Auto Trans - Green - Good Condition - Runs Well - MUST SEE - Call: 413-967-5693

2011-09-22T11:14:00.000-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Update: Loss Of Daylight Crisis Continues

2011-09-17T05:29:00.001-05:00

Update: Loss Of Daylight Crisis Continues

The northern hemisphere is losing two minutes of sunlight every day, and if this crisis continues, we will be in total darkness by June. The data indicates drastic changes to the environment that have already started:

Many species of birds, millions of individual birds have left the northern hemisphere. The impact of the loss of these birds is unimaginable.

Insect life has been severely affected. Most can no longer be observed.

Large mammals have been observed lying in a state of near death torpor in their dens.

Crop production has fallen to dangerously low levels, and the models and the research predict famine in the very near future.

Additionally, while not indicated by the computer models, actual eyewitness observations have discovered that most, if not all, leaves have fallen off trees in the researcher's area.

These and other effects of the loss of daylight demand our immediate attention if we are to prevent a genuine climate catastrophe.

There are those who disagree with the scientific computer models saying that this is cyclical and that the daylight is going to come back. Those people are clearly deniers of this disaster. Legions of scientists have run this on their models, and there is no question that we are losing daylight.

Consensuses of scientists are extremely alarmed and concerned about this crisis that we are losing daylight in the entire northern hemisphere, not just in the United States.

Note: This has not been linked to climate change. Something other than climate change is causing this leakage of sunlight.

This is a genuine emergency! The Supreme Court must force the government to begin releasing some of the daylight they have been saving and storing under the mandated "Daylight Savings Plan." Total darkness and everything that would result from it will occur by June if we do not enact policies now that change this leakage. Contact your Senators and Congressmen and tell them that we need tax increases and stimulus package spending, in order to help people get through the impending darkness.

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Donations

2011-09-16T07:07:00.001-05:00

Donations

As you open your pockets for the next natural disaster, please keep these facts in mind:

The American Red Cross President and CEO Marsha J. Evans salary for the year was $651,957 plus expenses.

The United Way President Brian Gallagher receives a $375,000 base salary along with numerous expense benefits.

UNICEF CEO Carol M. Stern receives $1,200,000 per year (100k per month) plus all expenses including a ROLLS-ROYCE. Less than 5 cents of your donated dollar goes to the cause.

The Salvation Army's Commissioner Todd Bassett receives a salary of only$13,000 per year (plus housing) for managing this $2 billion dollar organization. 96 percent of donated dollars go to the cause.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The American Legion National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

The Veterans of Foreign Wars National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

The Disabled American Veterans National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

The Military Order of Purple Hearts National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

The Vietnam Veterans Association National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!

No further comment is necessary.

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

After two years of Obama - Here's your change!

2011-09-15T01:41:00.000-05:00

January 2009

TODAY

% chg

^Source

Avg.. Retail price/gallon gas in U.S.

$1.83

$3.44

84%

Crude oil, European Brent (barrel)

$43..48

$99..02

127.7%

Crude oil, West TX Inter. (barrel)

$38..74

$91..38

135.9%

Gold: London (per troy oz.)

$853.25

$1,369.50

60.5%

Corn, No.2 yellow, Central IL

$3.56

$6.33

78.1%

Soybeans, No. 1 yellow, IL

$9.66

$13..75

42.3%

Sugar, cane, raw, world, lb. Fob

$13..37

$35..39

164.7%

Unemployment rate, non-farm, overall

7.6%

9.4%

23.7%

Unemployment rate, blacks

12.6%

15.8%

25.4%

Number of unemployed

11,616,000

14,485,000

24.7%

Number of fed. Employees

2,779,000

2,840,000

2.2%

Real median household income

$50,112

$49,777

-0.7%

⁴

Number of food stamp recipients

31,983,716

43,200,878

35.1%

⁵

Number of unemployment benefit recipients

7,526,598

9,193,838

22.2%

⁶

Number of long-term unemployed

2,600,000

6,400,000

146.2%

Poverty rate, individuals

13.2%

14.3%

8.3%

⁴

People in poverty in U.S.

39,800,000

43,600,000

9.5%

⁴

U.S.. Rank in Economic Freedom World Rankings

n/a

¹⁰

Present Situation Index

29.9

23.5

-21.4%

¹¹

Failed banks

140

164

17.1%

¹²

U.S.. Dollar versus Japanese yen exchange rate

89.76

82.03

-8.6%

U.S.. Money supply, M1, in billions

1,575.1

1,865.7

18.4%

¹³

U.S.. Money supply, M2, in billions

8,310.9

8,852.3

6.5%

¹³

National debt, in trillions

$10..627

$14..052

32.2%

¹⁴

AIRPORT GREETERS - The lady who took these pictures said everyone was surprised to see George and Laura Bush recently just standing quietly in the waiting area with others who come to meet the troop planes.

2011-08-27T15:47:00.000-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

June Weddings

2011-08-26T18:54:00.000-05:00

June Weddings

Most people in the 1500s got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Where did "Piss Poor" come from?

2011-08-26T18:53:00.000-05:00

Where did "Piss Poor" come from?

Interesting History. They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot and then once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor".

But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot. They "didn't have a pot to piss in" and were the lowest of the low.

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Down in the West Texas town of El Paso

2011-08-26T18:03:00.000-05:00

Down in the West Texas town of El Paso

Three armed felons crossed the U. S . Border and attempted to rob an off duty El Paso police officer dressed in civilian clothes while he stood in front of a bank.

The plan was for two of them to grab his backpack and toss it to an accomplice on a stolen motorcycle.

However, the well prepared police officer shot all of them, killing two immediately. The third was shot in both arms and bled to death before the ambulance arrived.

This is how much the US Taxpayer would have had to pay to prosecute these thugs:

Arrest and detention for 1 night = -$6,000

Transportation for deportation back to Mexico the next day = -$1000

Air time for Obama to apologize in 30 min speech $25,007,000

What it actually cost:

Four .40 rounds = $1.00

Taxpayer savings = $25,006,999.00

They Picked the Wrong Man to rob - Only in TEXAS!

THE AVERAGE RESPONSE TIME FOR A 911 CALL IS 4 MINUTES THE AVERAGE RESPONSE TIME FOR A .40 S&W ROUND IS ABOUT 1225 FEET PER SECOND.

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

DIVORCE VS. MURDER

2011-08-23T08:39:00.000-05:00

DIVORCE VS. MURDER

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide.

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law. I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide! You should get a Divorce."

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

http://dorunda.com/comedy2011.htm

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Poo At The Zoo

2011-07-01T13:52:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Honkies for Herman!

2011-06-29T15:46:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

CD Collection? (WARNING: Not Safe for Eyes.)

2011-06-28T06:27:00.000-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

DO NOT STOP

2011-06-26T16:46:00.000-05:00

DO NOT STOP

A MESSAGE FROM THE OFFICE OF ATTORNEY GENERAL STATE OF MISSISSIPPI , JACKSON , MS

SITUATION...

While driving on a rural end of the roadway on Thursday morning, I saw an infant car seat on the side of the road with a blanket draped over it. For whatever reason, I did not stop, even though I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head. But when I got to my destination, I called the Canton PD and they were going to check it out. But, this is what the Police advised even before they went out there to check.

"There are several things to be aware of ... gangs and thieves are now plotting different ways to get a person (mostly women) to stop their vehicle and get out of the car.

"There is a gang initiation reported by the local Police Department where gangs are placing a car seat by the road...with a fake baby in it...waiting for a woman, of course, to stop and check on the abandoned baby.

"Note that the location of this car seat is usually beside a wooded or grassy (field) area and the person -- woman -- will be dragged into the woods, beaten and raped, and usually left for dead. If it's a man, they're usually beaten and robbed and maybe left for dead, too.

DO NOT STOP FOR ANY REASON!!! DIAL 9-1-1 AND REPORT WHAT YOU SAW, BUT DON 'T EVEN SLOW DOWN.

"IF YOU ARE DRIVING AT NIGHT AND EGGS ARE THROWN AT YOUR WINDSHIELD, DO NOT STOP TO CHECK THE CAR, DO NOT OPERATE THE WIPER AND DO NOT SPRAY ANY WATER BECAUSE EGGS MIXED WITH WATER BECOME MILKY AND BLOCK YOUR VISION UP TO 92.5%, AND YOU ARE THEN FORCED TO STOP BESIDE THE ROAD AND BECOME A VICTIM OF THESE CRIMINALS.

THIS IS A NEW TECHNIQUE USED BY GANGS, SO PLEASE INFORM YOUR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES.

THESE ARE DESPERATE TIMES AND THESE ARE UNSAVORY INDIVIDUALS WHO WILL TAKE DESPERATE MEASURES TO GET WHAT THEY WANT."

Please be safe.

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Pork Parfait? Are you kidding me?

2011-06-25T09:22:00.000-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Michigan Yoopers Declare War on Obama

2011-06-25T02:27:00.000-05:00

Michigan Yoopers Declare War on Obama

Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hello, President Obama?" a heavily accented Yooper voice said. "This is Sven, up here at Olies Bar and Steak House in Bruce Crossing, Michigan. I am callin' to tell ya'll that we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Sven," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Sven, after a moment's calculation "there is myself, my cousin Olie, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Pine's Bar. That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you Sven that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Sven. "I'll have to call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Sven called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Sven?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two 4-wheelers, a snowmobile, and Harry's trail grooming machine."

President Obama sighed. "I have tell you Sven, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke"

"Lord above", said Sven, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Sven rang again the next day, "President Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Olies ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the coffee shop have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Sven that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Oh Lord," said Sven, "l'll have to call you back."

Sure enough, Sven called again the next day. ""President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Sven, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners."

http://dorunda.com/comedy2011.htm

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

5 Year Old's First Job

2011-06-20T22:25:00.000-05:00

5 Year Old's First Job

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a Construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the damn sheet rock."

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Meet the Millers enjoy these cars

2011-05-15T19:29:00.000-05:00

Meet the Millers

AK Miller's Front Yard
Consider the strange story of Alex and Imogene Miller of East Orange, VT. They eked out an existence on a small farm. Alex would scrounge rusty nails from burnt buildings to repair his roof. He drove a ratty VW Beetle, and when it died, he found another even more ratty, and another...the rusting carcasses littered his yard. Alex died in 1993, and Imogene died in 1996. The local church took up a collection so they could be buried in the churchyard, and the state began the process of taking the farm for taxes. That would have been the end of a sad story, except..............

Forget the VW: a '28 Franklin ($4500US) and a '23 HCS($14,500 US) lurk inside. While preparing the estate for auction, the sheriff discovered a cache of bearer bonds taped to the back of a mirror. That triggered a comprehensive search of the house and outbuildings. The estate auction would eventually be handled by Christies, and it would bring out collectors from all over the world..

1913 Stutz Bearcat went for just $105,000US. Must have been the bad tire. It seems that Alex Miller was a Rutgers grad, son of a wealthy financier. He lived in Montclair, NJ, where he founded Miller's Flying Service in 1930. He operated a gyrocopter (look it up, it's too much of a digression) for mail and delivery service through the 30's. But the Millers had a secret, and they moved from Montclair when they needed room for it.

Step behind the wheel of a 1916 Stutz Bearcat ($155,000 US). Choosing to live low profile, and paranoid about tax collectors, Miller moved to the farm in VT, and took his collections with him. Most of his cash had been exchanged for gold and silver bars and coins, which he buried in various locations around the farm. He carefully disassembled his gyrocopter, and stored it in an old one-room schoolhouse on his property. He then built a couple of dozen sheds and barns out of scrap lumber and recycled nails. In the sheds he put his collection.

Have to remember to clean that '20 Bearcat out of the shed ($50,000 US). Alex Miller had an obsession with cars. Not just any cars, but Stutz cars. Blackhawks, Bearcats, Super bearcats, DV16's and 32's. He had been buying them since the 1920's. When Stutz went out of business, he bought a huge pile of spare parts, which was also carefully stored away in his sheds.

A Springfield Rolls Picadilly Roadster ($115,000 US), made inIllinois. Sometimes, he would stray, and buy other "special cars", including Locomobiles, a Stanley, and a Springfield Rolls Royce. He never drove them. He'd simply move them into his storage sheds in the middle of the night, each car wrapped in burlap to protect it from any prying eyes. Over the years, the farm appeared to grow more and more forlorn, even as the collection was growing.

A snappy car: 1921 Stutz Bearcat ($58,000 US). Occasionally he would sell some parts to raise cash.

Rather than dipping into his cache, he would labor for hours making copies of the original parts by hand.

Stutz factory spares. Cylinders and pistons from a brass era Stutz in foreground.
Collectors knew him as a sharp trader, who had good merchandise but was prone to cheating. His neighbors had no clue at all, they thought Alex and Imogene were paupers, and often helped out with charity.

Wheelbarrow blocks a '28 Stutz Blackhawk Boattail Speedster ($78,000 US).
The auction was a three day circus, billed as the "Opening of King Stutz Tomb". It attracted celebrity collectors, as well as thousands of curiosity seekers. The proceeds were in the millions, some items went for far more than their value in the frenzy. In the end, the IRS took a hefty chunk of the cash for back taxes, which proves the old adage about the only two sure things in life...

A vanilla '31 SV16 Stutz Sedan ($10,000)

Bargain of the show: a '29 Stutz Blackhawk sedan for $7000 US

A beautiful Stutz DV32 Sedan ($27,500)

Anyone need a new Stutz engine? Still factory fresh.

A'23 HCS ($12,000 US) lurks in the darkness of the barn

A Lebaron dual-cowl Stutz from 1929 ($68,000US)

A '27 Stutz AA Sedan for $6500US

1925 Stutz Speedway Six ($9000 US)

T-Head engine in a 21 Bearcat

Build a '22 Stutz touring car from this pile of parts for just $10,000 US

Final talley:

$2.18 million at auction

$1 million in gold

$75,000 in silver

$400,000 in stock

God Bless the Crazies.

Gas Coupon

2011-05-05T15:58:00.001-05:00

I didn't realize it, but these coupons are good for one gallon of gas at most retailers. I have seen them around, but until recently never took advantage of them, I never realized their actual worth.

You probably have one or two just lying around somewhere, now is the time to use them before they lose their value, and it's too late!!

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Barack's BS Bingo

2011-05-05T14:04:00.001-05:00

Try it the next time you hear the President speak. It will keep you awake while he’s reading his prompter!

Please follow the rules before watching. I used to avoid listening to his speeches. Now, I look forward to the next one. Here is something to help make Obama's speeches almost tolerable. Just print out this page, distribute it to friends, and listen.

Rules for Bullshit Bingo:

1. Before Barrack Obama's next televised speech, print your "Bullshit Bingo"

2. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those Words/phrases.

3. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or Diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Just Fred

2011-04-25T20:16:00.001-05:00

Just Fred

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades.

When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.

Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears laughing.

http://dorunda.com/comedy2011.htm

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Love Really IS Blind

2011-04-25T14:24:00.001-05:00

Love Really IS Blind

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.

So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf; I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

"Oh wow! I see," Ed replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment. Deep in serious thought then he added, "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.

http://dorunda.com/comedy2011.htm

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Supplies for a night in, alone.

2011-04-24T20:31:00.000-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

The Robot Bartender

2011-04-23T06:30:00.001-05:00

The Robot Bartender

Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says," 168."

The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious...So he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini."

Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "100."

The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time..

He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, "What will you have?"

The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.

The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"

The guy says, "Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?

http://dorunda.com/comedy2011.htm

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Want to know why gas is $4 a gallon?

2011-04-21T08:12:00.000-05:00

Want to know why gas is $4 a gallon?

Look no further than your friendly environmentalist who won't allow more refineries to be built, requires oil companies to produce 55 different gasoline blends in the summer and won't allow oil exploration in the United States, which would reduce our dependence on foreign oil. Happy Earth Day!

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Earth Day Predictions, 1970 Hysteria

2011-04-21T07:56:00.000-05:00

Earth Day Predictions, 1970 Hysteria

"We have about five more years at the outside to do something." - Kenneth Watt, ecologist

"Civilization will end within 15 or 30 years unless immediate action is taken against problems facing mankind." - George Wald, Harvard Biologist

"We are in an environmental crisis which threatens the survival of this nation, and of the world as a suitable place of human habitation." - Barry Commoner, Washington University biologist

"Man must stop pollution and conserve his resources, not merely to enhance existence but to save the race from intolerable deterioration and possible extinction." - New York Times editorial, the day after the first Earth Day

"Population will inevitably and completely outstrip whatever small increases in food supplies we make. The death rate will increase until at least 100-200 million people per year will be starving to death during the next ten years." - Paul Ehrlich, Stanford University biologist

"By...[1975] some experts feel that food shortages will have escalated the present level of world hunger and starvation into famines of unbelievable proportions. Other experts, more optimistic, think the ultimate food-population collision will not occur until the decade of the 1980s." - Paul Ehrlich, Stanford University biologist

"It is already too late to avoid mass starvation." - Denis Hayes, chief organizer for Earth Day

"Demographers agree almost unanimously on the following grim timetable: by 1975 widespread famines will begin in India; these will spread by 1990 to include all of India, Pakistan, China and the Near East, Africa. By the year 2000, or conceivably sooner, South and Central America will exist under famine conditions....By the year 2000, thirty years from now, the entire world, with the exception of Western Europe, North America, and Australia, will be in famine." - Peter Gunter, professor, North Texas State University

"Scientists have solid experimental and theoretical evidence to support...the following predictions: In a decade, urban dwellers will have to wear gas masks to survive air pollution...by 1985 air pollution will have reduced the amount of sunlight reaching earth by one half...." - Life Magazine, January 1970

"At the present rate of nitrogen buildup, it's only a matter of time before light will be filtered out of the atmosphere and none of our land will be usable." - Kenneth Watt, Ecologist

"Air pollution...is certainly going to take hundreds of thousands of lives in the next few years alone." - Paul Ehrlich, Stanford University biologist

"We are prospecting for the very last of our resources and using up the nonrenewable things many times faster than we are finding new ones." - Martin Litton, Sierra Club director

"By the year 2000, if present trends continue, we will be using up crude oil at such a rate...that there won't be any more crude oil. You'll drive up to the pump and say, `Fill 'er up, buddy,' and he'll say, `I am very sorry, there isn't any.'" - Kenneth Watt, Ecologist

"Dr. S. Dillon Ripley, secretary of the Smithsonian Institute, believes that in 25 years, somewhere between 75 and 80 percent of all the species of living animals will be extinct." - Sen. Gaylord Nelson

"The world has been chilling sharply for about twenty years. If present trends continue, the world will be about four degrees colder for the global mean temperature in 1990, but eleven degrees colder in the year 2000. This is about twice what it would take to put us into an ice age." - Kenneth Watt, Ecologist

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Oversaken - Columns

2011-04-20T10:31:00.001-05:00

Out of order: At an office, someone got a pen stuck inside a printer while trying to remove a jammed piece of paper. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled on it.

2011-04-17T15:24:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Obama 2012: Michele still has more places she wants to visit

2011-04-06T23:36:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Important Email

2011-04-06T08:57:00.001-05:00

As a rule, I don't pass along these "add your name" lists that appear in e-mails, BUT this one is important. It has been circulating for months and has been sent to over 25 million people. We don't want to lose any names on the list so just hit forward and send it on. Please keep it going!

To show your support for President Obama and the job he is doing please go to the

end of the list and add your name ..

1. Michelle Obama.

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

An even better Obama bumper sticker.

2011-04-06T07:04:00.000-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

How do you like the new flip flops for this summer?

2011-04-06T06:31:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

New Album Release Columns by Oversaken Now Available

2011-04-05T10:22:00.000-05:00

For Immediate Release

New Album Release Columns by Oversaken Now Available

April 5, 2011

Oversaken is pleased to announce the release of their much anticipated album entitled “COLUMNS” (Oversaken 2011).

COLUMNS consists of fifteen new and original songs, written by Oversaken and produced by George Dorunda. Singer Brian Philbeck continues the task of writing most of the lyrics, working with the rest of the band to compose all their music. COLUMNS was recorded, mixed and mastered by George Dorunda working with Oversaken’s Justin Rollins to achieve the passionately aggressive excitement of the patented soft-hard sound that is Oversaken.

A few surprises ensue, Anthony (bass) debuts his writing talents on songs including “Cleanse”, “Forever Ending Story” and “Reminders”, while the lyrics for “Forever Ending Story” were co-written by Laura Rollins (Justin’s wife). Jason (guitar) rounded out the sound by developing the dynamic riffs and solos that are the foundation of Oversaken.

Oversaken current band member line up consists of:

Justin Rollins - Drums

Brian Philbeck - Vocals

Jason Rollins - Guitar

Anthony Elder - Bass, Acoustic Guitar

With the completion of this epic album, the past several months have proven to be quite productive for Oversaken. Already 2011 is off to a great start for the band. Oversaken is formulating its schedule and looking forward to getting on the road in support of their latest album.

COLUMNS will be available on-line on: iTunes, Amazon.com, CD Baby (www.cdbaby.com/cd/oversaken3) and the official Oversaken website (www.oversaken.com). The CD will also be available at their live shows.

To schedule interviews, for store distribution or to request a copy of the new album for radio play, please contact: George Dorunda Phone: 864-488-0140 Email: MegaStar@Dorunda.com

Official Oversaken Website: http://www.oversaken.com/

Official Oversaken Promo Shot: http://www.oversaken.com/OversakenHeadshot.jpg

Oversaken - Hits Promotional Music Bed:

http://www.oversaken.com/OversakenHitSamplerMusicBed10.mp3

-30-

Contacts:

George Dorunda

Bookings & Personal Appearances - Media - Technical - Logistics - Legal - Licensing

Phone: 864-488-0140

Email: MegaStar@Dorunda.com

Justin Rollins

Phone: 864-812-1012

Email: Justin@Oversaken.com

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Alabama's flag looks like it signifies that state got a wrong answer on Family Feud. http://dorunda.com/

2011-04-02T09:09:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

NO ARK in 2011

2011-04-02T08:59:00.000-05:00

NO ARK in 2011

"In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah and said: Once again the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every animal and seven of every clean animal along with a few good humans. He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights. Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?

Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard, and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then, the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I TOLD THEM THAT THE SEA WOULD BE COMING TO US, BUT THEY WOULD HEAR NOTHING OF IT. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued that accommodations were too restrictive, and that it is cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration is checking the status of most of the people who want to work. The Trades Unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, they seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a double rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

"No," said the Lord, "The government beat me to it."

http://dorunda.com/comedy2011.htm

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Redneck Engineering: How much does a house weigh? How much weight can a rural two-lane bridge hold?

2011-03-31T15:26:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Oversaken | Columns | CD Baby

2011-03-30T18:03:00.000-05:00

Oversaken | Columns | CD Baby

Freedom & Liberty - Extremist ideas since 1776

2011-03-27T14:16:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Urgent customer notice

2011-03-26T20:58:00.000-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

And nothing tops it off like some Grilled Crocodile.

2011-03-23T17:06:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Hands on your meat?

2011-03-23T17:04:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

OK, You Guess?

2011-03-23T16:59:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Fresh Pig Faces Anyone?

2011-03-23T16:56:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Or for even more protein, some powdered Horse Milk. No Ponies. Ha!

2011-03-23T16:54:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Or even better, how about some Meat Water?

2011-03-23T16:52:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Not just any water - Diet Water!!!!

2011-03-23T16:48:00.001-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Good old American Entrepreneurship

2011-03-23T14:37:00.000-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

"Entrepreneur" dies at 25

2011-03-18T15:34:00.000-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Outside a shower somewhere in the Middle East

2011-03-17T10:40:00.000-05:00

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Speak with Conviction in Typography

2011-01-20T17:49:00.000-05:00

Typography from Ronnie Bruce on Vimeo.

This is awesome. You'll thank me later for giving you this.

Spam: Ever wondered what would happen if you replied to one of those emails that solicit money?

2010-12-20T08:06:00.001-05:00

Spam: Ever wondered what would happen if you replied to one of those emails that solicit money?

The African prince

To: Bob Servant

Subject: Delete This At Your Peril

FROM HIS ROYAL HIGHNEST, JACK THOMPSON

Dear sir,

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business. I am JACK THOMPSON, only son of late King Arawi of tribal land. My father was a very wealthy traditional ruler, poisoned by his rivals. Before his death here in Togo he told me of a trunk containing $75m kept in a security company. I now seek a foreign partner where I will transfer the proceeds for investment as you advise. I am willing to offer 20% of the sum as a compensation for your effort/input and 5% for any expenses. Thanks and God bless,

JACK THOMPSON

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Good morning your Majesty,

I want 30%, and not a penny less,

Your Servant,

Bob Servant

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Hello Bob,

See these percentages was arranged by the bank and not me. If you insist on getting 30% of the money i have to call the bank. Pls send your: FULL NAME. CONTACT PHONE NUMBER. ACCOUNT NUMBER. COUNTRY/STATE. I will be expecting those details. thanks.

JACK THOMPSON

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Hello Jack,

I'm afraid I just cannot take my share in cash, too dangerous. I could take it in diamonds, gold, or livestock (lions). My neighbour, Frank Theplank, has a private zoo. He is willing to pay $80,000 for every lion I can get him,

Bob

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Hello Bob,

I have made arrangement in transporting the 4 lions to you. So give me your phone number for better communication and bank information,

Thanks,

Jack

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Hi Jack,

I just popped my head over the garden wall and had a word with Frank. He has asked me to pass on a few questions - Are they male or female? Are they in good physical condition? Do they talk? Thank you, my friend, and don't worry, I have booked in to see the bank manager tomorrow morning,

Bob

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Hello Bob,

Hope fine. Answer to the questions:

1. The lions are all male lions and are very healthy.

2. I don't think I have ever seen a lion that talks.

I don't know if you are also interested in leopards cause my friend works in the Government Zoo and he could find a leopard for you? Remember to speak to your bank tomorrow.

Thanks,

Jack

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Jack,

Frank just called, he will take the following - 4 lions, 2 leopards, 1 elephant, 1 alligator, 2 parrots, 1 hedgehog. And, of course, the talking lion? Frank has a good few quid. He's worked for me on various bits and bobs, and I've always looked after him, so I think we should put our necks out on this one and make sure the lions talk.

Bob

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Hello Bob.

I will only be able to get: 4 lions, 2 leopards, 1 alligator. Bob, please send the £1,700 now. I think one of the lions may talk a little. Thanks,

Jack

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Hello Jack,

Sorry about the delay. Frank wants to know a last couple of things - Can he call the lions "FANCY PANTS" and "BRYAN"? Do the leopards sing, and are they willing to wear clothes?

All the best babes,

Bob

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Hello Bob,

As for the lions, you can call them any name provided you shout when talking to them and always use the same name. And trained leopards like the one I have for you will wear any clothes you buy for them OK. Please send the money today,

Jack

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Jack,

I have some bad news, my friend. I have just been to the bank and the guy there said that I cannot send you any money as I do not have any in my account. In actual fact, it turns out that I owe them over eight grand. I'm really sorry, Jack, I hope I haven't wasted your time, but I'm afraid that the deal is off. Good luck my friend, and good luck with the animals.

Love,

Bob

No reply

Russian lady #1

From: Olga

To: Bob Servant

Subject: From Olga

Hello,

I look for someone who is looking for love! My name is Olga Goldovsky. I am 28, a person who loves to joke, attractive, suave and caring. I live in a wonderful part of our Earth named Chelyabinsk, in Ural mountains. My favourite colour is white, colour of innocence. My favourite flowers are white lilies and I wish that on my wedding day. I sincerely want to know you better and hope you want the same.

Best wishes,

Olga

From: Bob Servant

To: Olga

Olga,

What a welcome surprise. Tell me - are you athletic? Do you have any statistics (just basic stuff - 100m, hurdles, javelin) that you could offer in evidence?

Your Servant,

Bob Servant

From: Olga

To: Bob Servant

I am fine and very glad you answered. I'd like to devote my life to you, to give you my soul and body.

With kisses,

Olga

From: Bob Servant

To: Olga

Olga,

You are a wonderful woman, but we have a problem. I asked you a question you did not answer. If you want to be my wife, then it is vital that you listen to me, otherwise the whole house of cards will collapse directly into our eyeballs.

Bob

From: Olga

To: Bob Servant

My dear Bob,

Dear, telling the truth, I didn't understand exactly your question. I dream often about having my own house but it is very expensive to do so. I am looking for full commitment, friendship and romance from you.

With tender thoughts,

Olga

From: Bob Servant

To: Olga

Olga,

I'll be honest, I'm surprised at just how forcefully you are throwing yourself into this relationship but you're such a cracking piece of skirt that you won't be getting any arguments from me. I think you are giving up a little easily on the housing issue.

Bob

From: Olga

To: Bob Servant

Dear Sir,

We inform you that Olga is our client. She uses our internet and translation services. She is very interested in you and further correspondence. The services we provide are: one month of unlimited correspondence - 200 USD; two months - 350 USD; three months - 500 USD.

Principal of "Lotos",

Sasha Malikov

From: Bob Servant

To: Olga

Sasha,

Thanks for getting in touch. I must say, it's very decent of her to let you use her email address. Olga is an absolute gem, isn't she?

Bob

From: Olga

To: Bob Servant

Dear Sir,

Olga comes to the firm every day and asks whether you write. Send money today, even $50, to get started. But do not hesitate too long. There is an English man who wants to take Olga on vacation already.

Sasha

From: Bob Servant

To: Olga

You what?! Where's he taking her? You'd better warn him off, Sasha, I'm serious.

From: Olga

To: Bob Servant

He is talking about taking her to Jamaica. If you are quick and pay money into your account, I can talk her into coming to your country if you add money enough for air fare.

Sasha

From: Bob Servant

To: Olga

Sasha,

This is going to knock your socks off. I want you AND Olga to come to Scotland. We are going to form a business. I can't get this English bigshot out of my head. I'm not a jealous man but I don't want Olga to arrive in Broughty Ferry and have just a tiny bit of her saying, "I wish I was in Jamaica." And I know you and Olga are two people who aren't interested in handouts.

I know I'm asking a lot. You've worked like a soldier to build up Lotos from scratch, but this could be an opportunity to get away from the madness of the Lotos office. What do you say?

From: Olga

To: Bob Servant

Bob,

Olga and I have considered this and decided that yes, we will both come to your country. The air fare for Olga is $1,400. I will pay my own air fare, but to close my business here is a fine of $2,000. Can you send by Western Union?

From: Bob Servant

To: Olga

Sasha,

Great news. I'll book Olga's flight directly. What's her passport number?

From: Olga

To: Bob Servant

Bob,

If you send me the money, then we will book Olga's flight here. Can you send the $3,400 today?

From: Bob Servant

To: Olga

What difference does it make if I just book it?

From: Olga

To: Bob Servant

OK Bob,

YOU MUST SEND $3,400 THROUGH WESTERN UNION. Olga is worried and a little angry.

Sasha

From Bob Servant

To: Olga

I give up

No reply

The unmissable business opportunity

From: LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD

To: Bob Servant

Subject: JOB OPPORTUNITY/ MAKE MORE INCOME

Dear Sir/Madam,

We are Lanzhou Global, a specialist in the production of rubber belts such as power transmission belts, conveyor belts, etc. We need agents to receive payment in bank wire transfers and to resend the money to us. You earn 10% from each operation. Your job is absolutely legal. You can earn up to 3,000-4,000 pounds monthly.

Best regards,

Admin/Human Resources Manager,

Xiong Li

From: Bob Servant

To: LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD

Hello there

My name is Bob Servant and I am a semi-retired window cleaner. I am very interested in working for your company. I have a big garage that I could convert into an office?

Many thanks,

Bob

PS What would be my job title?

PPS Is there a uniform?

From: LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD

To: Bob Servant

Hello Bob,

Thanks a lot. Listen Bob, this job does not require your much time or space. You do not need a uniform for this and get 10% of each payment. You can give yourself any title you want. Please give us your full personal and banking details so we can get started with this now Bob, Thanks,

Xiong

From: Bob Servant

To: LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD

Xiong,

I am an old-fashioned kind of man and as far as I'm concerned if you are working then you wear a uniform. What kind of look do you go for? Do you wear a suit or a branded tracksuit? I want something tight, that's vital. It makes me feel alert.

Your new employee, a proud member of the Lanzhou Team,

The Big Man, Bob Servant

From: LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD

To: Bob Servant

Hello Big Man!

We are glad to have you as our staff, please send the information that we need. Do what you think is best for a uniform, Bob. We trust you. I wear a suit.

From: Bob Servant

To: LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD

Xiong,

Hello boss! I have been trying like a bastard to find the right uniform for the job and I think I have it - a boilersuit that I bought for £30. I've really enjoyed my first two days of working for LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD. It's been all go, but I have had a great time. I'll get to grips with the form tomorrow.

Yours loyally,

Bob

From: LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD

To: Bob Servant

Dear Bob,

The uniform sounds perfect. You should wear it when you are doing your business as you will look smart.

Bob, do not hesitate to send back your job application form. It is very important and we need this information for our system.

XIONG

From: Bob Servant

To: LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD

Xiong,

I have been very, very busy. I know you want to get these forms done, but it's not all about paperwork in business, Xiong, you should know that. What we need, Xiong, is to let people know that we are here and we mean business. Rubber belt business.

I've started spreading the word locally. I have also been thinking about a staff night out. Obviously, as things stand there is just me here in the Scottish office, but I was thinking of inviting a couple of people. I think that Chinese would be the most appropriate, as I'm sure you agree!

Is that OK? Shall I just keep a receipt and send it over to you?

Your Faithful Employee and Friend,

Bob Servant

From: LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD

To: Bob Servant

Bob,

Thank you again for your hard work for the company. I think that the party is a good idea, and yes we would prefer you to eat at a Chinese restaurant. But Bob, you have still not given us your national insurance number, bank account information and phone number right away.

Please hurry Bob

Xiong

From: Bob Servant

To: LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD

Xiong,

My friend. We've had some good times together. We've laughed and joked and worked damn hard to get LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD the respect that it undoubtedly deserves. But things change, my friend. I'd like to place on record how much I have enjoyed my time working with LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD. I suppose this is goodbye, Xiong. I will never, ever forget you.

Your ex-employee but lifelong friend,

Bob "Xiong" Servant

From: LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD

To: Bob Servant

Hi, How are you? I know from the start you are a clown, I laugh a lot when i read from you.

From: Bob Servant

To: LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD

Hello there,

Yes, I was pulling your leg. All the very best with the old "Lanzhou" line. If you don't mind me saying so, I think it needs a bit of polishing. Tell me, where are you from and do many people actually fall for this stuff?

Stay strong,

Bob Servant

From: LANZHOU GLOBAL LTD

To: Bob Servant

Hello Bob,

Of course many people do fall for it, you know lots of gimimicks now and you make your cash. I am from Malaysia, tell me more about you.

No reply

Russian lady #2

From: Natalia

To: Bob Servant

Hello! I hope that you have good day and good mood. I want to tell a little about myself now. My name is Natalia. I'm 25, I live In Russia. I hope to find the serious relations with the man in the internet. I live with my grandmother.

Your friend Natalia

From: Bob Servant

To: Natalia

Natalia,

Thank you for your entertaining letter. It sounds to me like you and your grandmother have wonderful lives over there in Russia.

Bob "Bob" Servant

From: Natalia

To: Bob Servant

Dear Bob.

My grandmother is sick a little and today I shall prepare the Chinese hen and vegetable salad.

Probably you love the tasty foodstuffs. We have proverb: "The way to heart of the man passes through his stomach!" Therefore I shall reach your heart with the help of my culinary abilities. It is a joke!!! Now I go on kitchen. I hope, my grandmother will be pleased. She is a little sick and I am scared some for her.

Natalia

From: Bob Servant

To: Natalia

Natalia,

Thanks a lot for that joke. It was top class. If you keep them coming, we'll get along just fine.

I hope your meal with your grandmother went well. She sounds like a real character and I'm sure she enjoyed her Chinese hen. She bloody loves that stuff and she always has. But that's her all over, she's just very good fun.

Bob

Russian lady #3

From: Natalia

To: Bob Servant

Lovely Bob,

Your letter was such warm. I love to dance and dream that sometime I shall dance a waltz with you. You imagine, in a black tuxedo, me in a white dress, we softly addressed to each other in eyes.

You would like to dance with me a waltz?

Natalia

From: Bob Servant

To: Natalia

Natalia,

I would give everything I own to dance a waltz with you at a big fancy do. Imagine, my dear - you in a cocktail dress and myself in an old, ill-fitting tuxedo far too tight around my bottom that hitched halfway up my shins as I walked and made it hard for me to breathe. It would be so beautiful, Natalia, a real fairy-tale ending to this whole courting business.

All the best,

Bob

From: Natalia

To: Bob Servant

Hi my lovely friend Bob.

My grandmother has bad health. I today have visited church and has put a candle, that you always were accompanied with good luck. I also put candle for my grandmother. I must go now to care for her.

Yours, Natalia

From: Bob Servant

To: Natalia

How's tricks badgerface? I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope she doesn't get ill in such a way that would mean you'd have to ask me for a few quid. Though I'm sure that won't happen.

Your Servant,

Bob Servant

From: Natalia

To: Bob Servant

Greetings Bob

My grandmother is in hospital in a critical condition. The doctor gives us the list which we should buy medicines. If we do not buy everything, grandmother die. Help me please my love. I very much strongly love you. And we required beside $450US more.

Natalia

From: Bob Servant

To: Natalia

My Darling, this is terrible news. Who could have seen this coming? Your grandmother is a fantastic little chap. Tell her to be strong and to hang on. Because... I AM COMING TO SAVE YOU . That's right Natalia, I'm coming to Russia! Tell me what medicines your grandmother needs asap. I am going to the travel agents this afternoon.

Bob Servant x x

From: Natalia

To: Bob Servant

Hello My Love Bob.

I am glad that you to want to arrive to me to Russia. But Russia the dangerous country with terror and murder frequently to kidnap. Buying the medicine would be better and faster. It is just $450 and for a businessman like you this might be OK?

Natalia

From: Bob Servant

To: Natalia

Natalia,

Russia sounds really terrible. I can understand your fear for me but I would be a coward of a man if I refused to come there. Your grandmother is clearly the priority. Where do you live exactly Natalia, and do I need any jabs?

Bob

From: Natalia

To: Bob Servant

Bob,

My grandmother is very sick, you must send the money for the medicine or the doctor says she will die. You can visit later to me or I come to your country. For now we must have $450US for medicine.

Please quick

Natalia

From: Bob Servant

To: Natalia

Natalia,

I had a good think about it on the bus home and I have decided, reluctantly, that I can't come to Russia and, frankly, I shouldn't let myself get wrapped up in the whole sorry mess. I hope you and your grandmother get through this. I'm sure you will as you are a tough couple of blighters.

Yours,

Bob Servant

No reply

What's All This Ruckus about Gays in the Military?

2010-12-18T19:14:00.001-05:00

What’s All This Ruckus about Gays in the Military?

I don't give an airborne fornication about gays in military. Just want my phone to work. I have my priorities. We’ll need new ranks now that gays will be OK in the military. Let’s start with Stiff Sergeant. Or here’s another: Rear Admiral. That gives an all new meaning to the rank of seamen. Actually, I don't think they'll ever talk about troops "bringing up the rear" anymore. Or how about U.S.N. Chief Pretty Officer?

OK. All is calm. All is bright. That should stir up a little hate mail.

The Mayonnaise Jar

2010-12-16T15:26:00.000-05:00

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,

When 24 hours in a day is not enough;

remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class

and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly,

he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar

and started to fill it with golf balls..

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured

it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again

if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand

and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded

With an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table

and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively

filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,

'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - God, family, friends, health, and favorite passions

Things that if everything else was lost

and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car..

The sand is everything else --

The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued,

'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,

You will never have room for the things that are

important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play with your children.

Take time to get medical checkups.

Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time

to clean the house and fix the dripping tap.

'Take care of the golf balls first --

The things that really matter.

Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand

and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.

'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,

there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Christmas Downsizing

2010-12-15T09:08:00.001-05:00

As a further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North Pole continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.

The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.

[The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.]

The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.

The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.

The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.

The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.

As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring, or a-mulching.

Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.

Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.

Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing") action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

George Dorunda
864-488-0140
DORUNDA.COM

Marc Mero: How to be The Happiest Person on the Planet

2010-12-14T18:34:00.002-05:00

The Great Darkness Crisis

2010-12-03T13:39:00.001-05:00

The Great Darkness Crisis

I first noticed it sometime around the end of June this year. I started paying attention and created computer models and sure enough I was right! We are losing daylight at an astonishing rate. Each day we are losing approximately 2 minutes of day light and my computer models predict total darkness by next July.

I have been able to detect this phenomenon around the entire Northern Hemisphere. And here is the scary part: the day light appears to be leaking to the Southern Hemisphere.